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Here is the one I got today:
much like my intestines at this moment.
If I were to relieve myself
of this pressure right now,
the sound would startle small children,
and if not, I'm sure the smell
would sicken them and kill the plants.
Please give a pass on this one.
Help me to avoid letting one rip
in this embarrassing setting.
If I must, let it be silent.
Limit the stench to a five foot radius,
so that I can blame it on the sleeping dog.